Seems to me there used to be a joke thread somewhere around BABC but I can't seem to find it. So here's my contribution to a new one....

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Nice one GFC I needed that.

There is an outhouse with 1 person heading towards it. 1 person in it and 1 person walking away from it.

What is the nationality of each person?
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The person heading towards it is Russian
The person walking away from it is Finnish

The person in it is Papuan.

One day in the forest a Beech Tree and a Birch tree were just chillin enjoying the scenery.
The Birch Tree looked down and noticed a little tree starting to grow between them.
Curious what it was he said to the Beech tree "I wonder if that's a son of a beech or a son of a birch"
The Beech tree couldn't tell so he said, "how will we ever know if that's a son of a beech of a son of a birch"
Just then a woodpecker flew by and the Birch tree said "hey Mr Woodpecker you know your wood. Is that little tree a son of a beech or a son of a birch"

"Neither" said the woodpecker. "That's the best piece of Ash I've ever seen"

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patty Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"


(You're gonna love this.)


The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."


(You sang it, didn't you? Yeah, I know you did.)

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.
He also ate very little, which made him rather frail
and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him ...



. A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

A young Naval Officer was in a terrible car accident, but due to the heroics of the hospital staff the only permanent injury was the loss of one ear.
Since he wasn't physically impaired he remained in the military and eventually became an Admiral. However, during his career he was always sensitive about his appearance.

One day the Admiral was interviewing two Navy Master Chiefs and a Marine Sergeant Major for his personal staff.

The first Master Chief was a Surface Navy type and it was a great interview.
At the end of the interview the Admiral asked him, “Do you notice anything different about me?”
The Master Chief answered, "Why yes. I couldn’t help but notice you are missing your starboard ear,
so I don’t know whether this impacts your hearing on that side."

The Admiral got very angry at this lack of tact and threw him out of his office.

The next candidate, an Aviation Master Chief, when asked this same question, answered,
“Well yes, you seem to be short one ear."

The Admiral threw him out also.

The third interview was with the Marine Sergeant Major. He was articulate, extremely sharp,
and seemed to know more than the two Master Chiefs put together.
The Admiral wanted this guy, but went ahead with the same question.

“Do you notice anything different about me?"
To his surprise the Sergeant Major said, "Yes. You wear contact lenses.
The Admiral was impressed and thought to himself, what an incredibly tactful Marine.
"And how do you know that?" the Admiral asked.

The Sergeant Major replied, "Well sir, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with only one #*@&!%~ ear."