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#563225 - 12/29/15 10:58 PM Re: It is time for another joke thread [Re: Memory Maker]  
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 14,923
GoFirstClass Offline
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Grand Poobah

Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 14,923
Pasco, WA




A wise person once said:


1. We all love to spend money buying new clothes but we never realize that the best moments in life are enjoyed without clothes.

2. Having a cold drink on a hot day with a few friends is nice, but having a hot friend on a cold night after a few drinks - Priceless.

3. Breaking News: Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot dead by the woman's husband.

4. Arguing over a girl's bust size is like choosing between Molson, Heineken, Carlsberg, & Budweiser. Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.

5. A recent study found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

6. On average, an American man under 75 will have sex two to three times a week, whereas a Japanese man the same age will have sex only one or two times a year. This is very upsetting news to most of my friends, as they had no idea they were Japanese!


"Beachcomber" 1995 Sea Ray 550 Sedan Bridge


Anchor's down......Bottoms Up!
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#563233 - 12/30/15 09:52 PM Re: It is time for another joke thread [Re: Memory Maker]  
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 7,185
MarkHB Offline
Dressed for dinner
MarkHB  Offline
Dressed for dinner
Admiral

Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 7,185
CA
Those of you who worry about Democrats versus Republicans--
relax, here is our real problem.


In a Purdue University classroom, they were discussing the qualifications to be President of the United States. It was pretty simple. The candidate must be a natural born citizen of at least 35 years of age.

However, one girl in the class immediately started in on how unfair it was of the requirement to be a natural born citizen. In short, her opinion was that this requirement prevented many capable individuals from becoming president.


The class was taking it in and letting her rant, and not many jaws hit the floor when she wrapped up her argument by stating, "What makes a natural born citizen any more qualified to lead this country than one born by C-section?"

Last edited by MarkHB; 12/30/15 09:53 PM.

24' Monterey Explorer
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http://www.picturetrail.com/markhb

Golf!! Waste of a good gun range.
#566600 - 11/22/16 12:03 PM Re: It is time for another joke thread [Re: Memory Maker]  
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 14,923
GoFirstClass Offline
Retired Boating Bum
GoFirstClass  Offline
Retired Boating Bum
Grand Poobah

Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 14,923
Pasco, WA
One buzz word in today's business world is MARKETING.
However, people often ask for a simple explanation of "Marketing."

Well, here it is:

* You're a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Direct Marketing.
______________________________ ______________________________

* You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and, pointing at you, says,
"She's fantastic in bed."
That's Advertising.
______________________________ ______________________________

* You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his
telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Telemarketing.
______________________________ ______________________________

* You see a guy at a party; you straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, "May I?" and reach up to
straighten his tie, brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Public Relations.
______________________________ ______________________________
* You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed."
That's Brand Recognition.
______________________________ ______________________________

*You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He fancies you, but you talk him into going home with your friend.
That's a Sales Rep.
______________________________ ______________________________

* Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you.
That's Tech Support.
______________________________ ______________________________

* You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome men in all these houses you're passing, so you climb onto the roof of one situated towards the center and shout at the top of your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!"
That's Facebook.
______________________________ ______________________________

* You are at a party; this attractive older man walks up to you and grabs your arse.
That's Donald Trump.
______________________________ ______________________________

* You didn't mind it, but twenty years later your attorney decides you were offended and you are awarded a settlement.

That's America !


"Beachcomber" 1995 Sea Ray 550 Sedan Bridge


Anchor's down......Bottoms Up!
#566602 - 11/23/16 02:55 AM Re: It is time for another joke thread [Re: Memory Maker]  
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 8,818
Silverbullet Offline
Admiral
Silverbullet  Offline
Admiral

Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 8,818
Boise, ID
Lol GfC.


James
2002 Cobalt 226 VP 8.1GIDP
2007 Chevy 2500HD Crew Cab Duramax
1988 Suburban 3/4 Ton
2000 Subaru Forester


#566790 - 12/20/16 08:14 PM Re: It is time for another joke thread [Re: Memory Maker]  
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 14,923
GoFirstClass Offline
Retired Boating Bum
GoFirstClass  Offline
Retired Boating Bum
Grand Poobah

Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 14,923
Pasco, WA
A few idle thoughts to ponder....

A government that pays you to do nothing destroys your willingness to do anything.


If a girl tells you she has a nipple ring, the only correct response is "I don't believe you."

I don't care what you son identifies as, he does not belong in a bathroom with my daughter.

Don't try to explain yourself or your thoughts to idiots.
You're not the f*ckface whisperer.

If I ever go missing I want my photo put on tequila bottles. That way my friends will know to look for me.

Today a feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships.
Apparently "In HD" was not the correct answer.

Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say "It's going to be OK. Here's a cup of coffee and two million dollars."

It's called Karma and it's pronounced "Ha Ha #uck you!"

Girls aren't moody. They just have days when they are less likely to put up with your [censored].

Some people just need a high five.
In the head.
With a chair.


"Beachcomber" 1995 Sea Ray 550 Sedan Bridge


Anchor's down......Bottoms Up!
#568715 - 08/08/17 10:10 AM Re: It is time for another joke thread [Re: Memory Maker]  
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 3,754
Justification Offline
Admiral
Justification  Offline
Admiral

Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 3,754
Fruit Heights, Utah
I'm thinking somebody in marketing needs to figure out who their target audience is.
Saw this at Kohls yesterday.
[Linked Image]
Please note that the college shown doesn't even allow caffeine on campus, So who's going to put the targeted drink into something like this


Beer makes you feel the way
You should feel without beer.
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