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#568404 - 07/06/17 09:25 PM My folks were ripped off by a family member.....
Parrott_head Offline
Admiral of Vice
Admiral

Registered: 01/26/03
Posts: 6911
Gotta vent and get ideas....... (SF=Step Father, SB= Step Brother, CC= Credit Card)

My mother and stepfather are up in years. SF has Ahlzheimers and we are making arrangements to place him in a VA care center.

Mom and SF have been married for about 5 years. He has a son from his first marriage that lives local, as do my brother and I.

I have been the point man for M&SF.

He was recently released from a skilled nursing facility and mother thought she could care for him at home. We had a big argument over this. Anyway Mom has realized the obvious and is assisting as much as she can in getting him into the VA center.

My step brother has been estranged from his father for years until recently. This was due to SB borrowing sums of money and never paying it back. Anyway during this last go around with the medical situation SB was given a credit card by his father to pay for Rx's that were to be picked up.

Short story is that in the short time SB has had this credit card he has used to to buy all sorts of goodies for himself. Mom was helping SF with his CC account online when they say all these charges. They did not think about SB having the card and thought it had been stolen. They contacted the CC company and had the CC shut down. Later that week when Mom and SF were discussing it with a family friend the SB was there and admitted he was using the card and offered to pay for all of it.

SB is an insurance salesman that lost a job with a large outfit due to similar behaviour. He currently has his own business selling insurance to truckers.

SF is to meet with SB in the near future. I have asked to be present. SB says he wants to cut a check to SF to pay for damages. SF is not out anything since they stopped the bogus charges but several local merchants are out some money.

SF has promised me (remember the Ahlzeimers) that he will have me present when he and SB meet.

For SF to make things right he will have to call CC and reinstate charges and apply the funds he gets from SB towards those charges.

I am going to tell SB that this is unacceptable. His father should not have to lift a finger to correct this situation and that SB needs to go to each merchant and make them whole.

If he does not I can turn everything over to the local DA and the merchants and let them deal with it.

I am pissed... and 87 year old man with Ahlzheimers having to go through all this crap.



Edited by Parrott_head (07/06/17 09:26 PM)
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#568411 - 07/07/17 12:37 AM Re: My folks were ripped off by a family member..... [Re: Parrott_head]
Dock Holiday Offline
Admiral

Registered: 01/08/03
Posts: 3780
Loc: Lake Geneva, WI
Tough and sad situation. What kind of person pulls this on their own family!

We have something similar going on, except the SM is the concern as she keeps spending large sums of money on her idiot son. My father has a short term memory problem due to his age, so he forgets the events. He gets all worked up and then forgets the entire episode. Very challenging.

Best of luck!


Edited by Dock Holiday (07/07/17 01:50 PM)

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#568412 - 07/07/17 09:34 AM Re: My folks were ripped off by a family member..... [Re: Parrott_head]
tpenfield Offline
Admiral

Registered: 08/29/05
Posts: 2213
Loc: Cape Cod, MA
Tough situation . . .

Bad idea giving SB the SF's CC, considering his history.

Not sure the DA will be in a position to do anything idn

Curious as to the elapsed time and approx. sum of $$$ involved in these 'unauthorized' charges by SB?

How much is it worth pursuing vs. black-listing the SB for life?

Down the road, who is in charge of the SF's financial affairs?

Somewhat rhetorical questions . . . food for thought.


Edited by tpenfield (07/07/17 09:35 AM)
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#568414 - 07/07/17 10:08 AM Re: My folks were ripped off by a family member..... [Re: tpenfield]
Parrott_head Offline
Admiral of Vice
Admiral

Registered: 01/26/03
Posts: 6911
Originally Posted By: tpenfield
Tough situation . . .

Bad idea giving SB the SF's CC, considering his history.

Not sure the DA will be in a position to do anything idn

Curious as to the elapsed time and approx. sum of $$$ involved in these 'unauthorized' charges by SB?

How much is it worth pursuing vs. black-listing the SB for life?

Down the road, who is in charge of the SF's financial affairs?

Somewhat rhetorical questions . . . food for thought.

Loaning SB the CC was SF idea.
Elder abuse laws in Oklahoma are pretty robust.
Nearly 1K in charges in less than three weeks of having card, many charges were made on the 22 of June.
I have print out of CC statement. I'm tempted to go to each merchant and give them the card number that was used and contact information for SB. I'm just so angry I can hardly contain myself. I'm busting my butt trying to do what's best for SF (I have POA and am executor of his Living Trust) and his son is just adding to my load.
_________________________
Former owner of a 2002 Four Winns 234 FunShip
'16 F250 4x4 Oil Burner
"Hey, if I'm a Vice Admiral, which vice do I get to claim?"

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#568415 - 07/07/17 10:35 AM Re: My folks were ripped off by a family member..... [Re: Parrott_head]
captkevin Offline
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Registered: 10/02/03
Posts: 7040
Loc: Chicago, IL
Good luck getting everything resolved. Difficult situation but could have been much worse.
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#568417 - 07/07/17 12:57 PM Re: My folks were ripped off by a family member..... [Re: Parrott_head]
jtheile Offline
Admiral

Registered: 02/27/05
Posts: 1908
Loc: North Ridgeville, Ohio
Since the card was originally reported as stolen the CC company should be called and told about the additional information and let them proceed how they wish.
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Four Winns 225 Sundowner

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#568424 - 07/07/17 09:08 PM Re: My folks were ripped off by a family member..... [Re: Parrott_head]
Admin Offline


Admiral

Registered: 12/15/02
Posts: 3670
Loc: Cyberland
Step Brother (not SilverBullet wink ) is scum and likely irredeemable. Perhaps there is hope for him, but his absolution is not foremost on my mind.

I tip my hat to your devotion and care of your step-father. Protecting his interests rise above any concern for the long-term interests of the other.




Edited by Admin (07/08/17 08:13 AM)
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#568427 - 07/07/17 09:34 PM Re: My folks were ripped off by a family member..... [Re: Parrott_head]
Silverbullet Online   content
Admiral

Registered: 06/15/04
Posts: 8750
Loc: Boise, ID
Mike, can you replace SB With something else? People are going to think I'm scum.
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2002 Cobalt 226 VP 8.1GIDP
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#568430 - 07/07/17 09:49 PM Re: My folks were ripped off by a family member..... [Re: Parrott_head]
GoFirstClass Offline
Retired Boating Bum
Grand Poobah

Registered: 11/21/03
Posts: 14800
Loc: Pasco, WA
C'mon James, we know you and know that you're not scum. Those of us who know you and love you like a brother are not the ones you have to be concerned about.

Its the occasional visitor to BABC that might make that erroneous connection, and we don't really care what they think.
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#568431 - 07/07/17 09:49 PM Re: My folks were ripped off by a family member..... [Re: Parrott_head]
GoFirstClass Offline
Retired Boating Bum
Grand Poobah

Registered: 11/21/03
Posts: 14800
Loc: Pasco, WA
PH, it might be time to get an attorney and the cops involved with this mess.
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#568436 - 07/08/17 10:32 AM Re: My folks were ripped off by a family member..... [Re: Parrott_head]
2Suns Offline
Admiral

Registered: 09/17/06
Posts: 2086
Loc: Peoria,IL
Quote:
. Later that week when Mom and SF were discussing it with a family friend the SB was there and admitted he was using the card and offered to pay for all of it.


While that's great, there will be this assumption on step brother's part that everything will be fine once he pays it back.

This really grinds my gears- the assumption that an apology makes bad behavior go away.

"I paid it back, what more do you want?" I want you to realize that your actions and behavior has to change. There comes a time (might already be here in PH's case) when there is no apologizing your actions away.
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#568437 - 07/08/17 11:56 AM Re: My folks were ripped off by a family member..... [Re: Admin]
Frantically Relaxing Offline
Admiral

Registered: 02/07/03
Posts: 11611
Originally Posted By: Admin
Step Brother (not SilverBullet wink ) is scum and likely irredeemable. Perhaps there is hope for him...

bzzzzztttt... FAIL! Thanks for playing!!

I have an "S" of my own, the SS... He's pushing 40, and since he moved out of state 20 years ago, any time he has come to town for a visit, he has not once ever failed to steal from us or other family members. He's taken the admirals meds many times, his niece's silver dollar collection, cash from us several times, the latest was only a month ago, his mom hid it well- or so she thought, he found it, almost a grand. A few years ago mom borrowed his brother her CC, and the SS stayed with him for a visit. SS stole the card from him, and SS and his wife (she's no better) wracked up nearly $4k before we found out. Ran the card over 60 times. Even paid for her dental work. The kicker? In his words, 'I don't see what the big deal is'...

These kinds of people don't change. They feel they're entitled to share the good fortune of others. And until they do a little prison time for it, they'll never change. And after they've done their 2 to 5, they'll likely be worse anyway. But at least they'll be out of play for 2 to 5...

PH, I wish you all the luck for a reasonably acceptable outcome...

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#568440 - 07/08/17 02:16 PM Re: My folks were ripped off by a family member..... [Re: Parrott_head]
Jack T Offline
Admiral

Registered: 01/10/03
Posts: 3624
Loc: Southern California
"This really grinds my gears- the assumption that an apology makes bad behavior go away. "

"They feel they're entitled to share the good fortune of others"

Do we see a thread here? Are they called Millennials? Never heard of this guy, but he may have something here.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/hLpE1Pa8vv...icy=3&rel=0
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#568441 - 07/08/17 03:36 PM Re: My folks were ripped off by a family member..... [Re: Parrott_head]
Silverbullet Online   content
Admiral

Registered: 06/15/04
Posts: 8750
Loc: Boise, ID
Elder abuse laws would likely apply and are usually pretty strong.

If you call the cc company and give them the information they will likely require charges be pressed or a signed affidavit of fraud so they can go after son in law.

The fact that a card was given to son in law will also be seen as authorization.
_________________________
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2002 Cobalt 226 VP 8.1GIDP
2007 Chevy 2500HD Crew Cab Duramax
1988 Suburban 3/4 Ton
2000 Subaru Forester



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#568442 - 07/08/17 03:51 PM Re: My folks were ripped off by a family member..... [Re: Parrott_head]
Parrott_head Offline
Admiral of Vice
Admiral

Registered: 01/26/03
Posts: 6911
Finally arranged a meeting today with SF and STEP BROTHER WHO IS NOT SILVER BULLET!!!!.........

He claimed he had told SF that he would use it for some purchases and then pay it when his commission check comes in. I told the the CC was shut down and his father lacks the ability to handle his financial affairs so I am helping out at the moment. We went over the charges and he knows which ones are his. He wanted to pay SF for it and let him clean up the mess. I told him no deal. He is to go to each merchant and clear it up. He gave me a date it would be resolved by and I told him I would contact each merchant involved to make certain they were made whole.

I went to one merchant that was a acceptable charge and discussed with them the situation. I told them that when the charge is declined to contact me and I would make them whole. The store manager took my name and phone number. It was a local pharmacy and they had a record of what was purchased. It was some prescribed medications.

SB is a licensed insurance broker in our state and handles commercial truckers mostly. His father set him up in the business but has a private practice now as his father told me the SB got caught in financial hanky panky in a agency and was released from their employ. SF is afraid if criminal charges are brought against his son then SB will loose his license and be out of a job. Out of respect for my SF wishes I am trying to let his son clean his own mess up.

While I was working details out with SB I mentioned I really resented having to take care of crud like this. He offered to run his fathers financial matters. I told him no way in heck that was going to happen, as he has proven he cannot be trusted and that I have no trust in him at all. I told him you had his credit card for only three weeks and treated it like your personnel piggy bank.

I did send him a text message with the phone number for the cc company and told him he should contact them and set things straight. He thanked me for the information. I did this in case there is any blow back I now have a record where he was to address this issue.

It should get interesting when I start calling merchants.



Edited by Parrott_head (07/08/17 04:12 PM)
_________________________
Former owner of a 2002 Four Winns 234 FunShip
'16 F250 4x4 Oil Burner
"Hey, if I'm a Vice Admiral, which vice do I get to claim?"

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#568443 - 07/08/17 03:53 PM Re: My folks were ripped off by a family member..... [Re: Parrott_head]
Parrott_head Offline
Admiral of Vice
Admiral

Registered: 01/26/03
Posts: 6911
As for his generation......I think he is about 47 or so....


Edited by Parrott_head (07/08/17 03:58 PM)
_________________________
Former owner of a 2002 Four Winns 234 FunShip
'16 F250 4x4 Oil Burner
"Hey, if I'm a Vice Admiral, which vice do I get to claim?"

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#568448 - 07/10/17 09:41 AM Re: My folks were ripped off by a family member..... [Re: Parrott_head]
Justification Offline
Admiral

Registered: 01/13/03
Posts: 3700
Loc: Fruit Heights, Utah
This is such a sad story, that unfortunately occurs often.
My tax guy was telling us about a situation similar to this where a son "borrowed" over $300,000 from his father, and the father is having to go to court to get his money back.

You have my respect for stepping up to the plate and doing the right thing
Good luck.
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You should feel without beer.

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#568460 - 07/10/17 06:48 PM Re: My folks were ripped off by a family member..... [Re: Parrott_head]
WayWeGo Offline
Admiral

Registered: 08/26/05
Posts: 2226
Loc: Oakton, VA
It is unfortunate, but I have heard many stories about when aging parents need help and only one of their children steps up to the plate to take on the challenge. The others just ride it out for one reason or another. That was certainly how it went with my parents.

At least you will be able to look yourself in the mirror and know you did the right thing!

As for millennials.... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RGvrmltfMrA roflmao
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#568488 - 07/12/17 03:35 AM Re: My folks were ripped off by a family member..... [Re: Parrott_head]
Jack T Offline
Admiral

Registered: 01/10/03
Posts: 3624
Loc: Southern California
WW Go:
Great video. As I was looking at this, I found there is a wealth of youTube videos that highlight millennial characteristics--all in this style production.
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#568552 - 07/20/17 08:25 PM Re: My folks were ripped off by a family member..... [Re: Parrott_head]
Parrott_head Offline
Admiral of Vice
Admiral

Registered: 01/26/03
Posts: 6911
Just got a hateful text from the 19 year old daughter of the son that burned the credit card. She claims we baited him by letting have access to the credit card so he could pick up prescriptions. Outside of the elderly gentelman, the whole family is a bunch of mooching parasites......
_________________________
Former owner of a 2002 Four Winns 234 FunShip
'16 F250 4x4 Oil Burner
"Hey, if I'm a Vice Admiral, which vice do I get to claim?"

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