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#543167 - 02/13/13 02:48 AM Re: It is time for another joke thread [Re: Memory Maker]  
Joined: Jan 2006
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AnchorYanker Offline
Chief Engineer
AnchorYanker  Offline
Chief Engineer
Admiral

Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 1,094
East Wenatchee Washington
I'm sitting at the dock in Galveston right now. We watched that ship sail out of here a few days ago. Guess we won't be seeing it come back for awhile.


Stevie T, Yup That's Me
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#543172 - 02/13/13 08:05 AM Re: It is time for another joke thread [Re: Memory Maker]  
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 7,209
MarkHB Offline
Dressed for dinner
MarkHB  Offline
Dressed for dinner
Admiral

Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 7,209
CA
How is FLB? Well I hope.


24' Monterey Explorer
Honda PWC
http://www.picturetrail.com/markhb

Golf!! Waste of a good gun range.
#543185 - 02/13/13 11:55 AM Re: It is time for another joke thread [Re: AnchorYanker]  
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 12,399
KCook Offline
Admiral
KCook  Offline
Admiral

Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 12,399
Phoenix
Originally Posted By: AnchorYanker
I'm sitting at the dock in Galveston right now. We watched that ship sail out of here a few days ago. Guess we won't be seeing it come back for awhile.

4000 people with no toilets. Hope the cleanup crew gets OT!

Kelly
(PS luv Galveston)

#543187 - 02/13/13 12:25 PM Re: It is time for another joke thread [Re: Memory Maker]  
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 3,149
casualboater Offline
Admiral
casualboater  Offline
Admiral

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 3,149
Highland, Michigan
I'm guessing that ship gets stripped and rebuilt, and renamed.


1989 Larson DC 190
2007 Saab 9-7x
#543188 - 02/13/13 01:12 PM Re: It is time for another joke thread [Re: Memory Maker]  
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 4,833
BToran Offline
Admiral
BToran  Offline
Admiral

Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 4,833
Northport, New York
give it to schettino (ex concordia captain). he'll get it washed real quick. may take a while to dry out, though.


Bruce Toran
Former Owner of a 1996 Carver 320 Voyager
-----------------------------------------
"Don't Eat Anything Bigger Than Your Head"
#543205 - 02/13/13 03:37 PM Re: It is time for another joke thread [Re: BToran]  
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 12,399
KCook Offline
Admiral
KCook  Offline
Admiral

Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 12,399
Phoenix
lol

#543393 - 02/20/13 01:18 PM Re: It is time for another joke thread [Re: Memory Maker]  
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 3,140
Philr Offline
Admiral
Philr  Offline
Admiral

Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 3,140
Rock Island, IL
Little Larry attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Larry asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?'

His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.

Larry, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom ..... '


'08 Chaparral 246SSi VP5.7GXiDP

My wife says that I spend too much time talking to random people online. What do you guys think?
#543410 - 02/21/13 04:57 PM Re: It is time for another joke thread [Re: Memory Maker]  
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 15,149
GoFirstClass Offline
Retired Boating Bum
GoFirstClass  Offline
Retired Boating Bum
Grand Poobah

Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 15,149
Pasco, WA
TRANQUILITY
Just in case you are having a rough day, here's a stress management
technique recommended in all the latest psychological journals. The
funny thing is, that it really does work and will make you smile.

1. Picture yourself lying on your belly on a warm rock that hangs out
over a crystal clear stream.

2. Picture yourself with both your hands dangling in the cool running
water.
3. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain air.

4. No one knows your secret place.

5. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called the
world.

6. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a
cascade of serenity.

7. The water is so clear that you can easily make out the face of the Democrat you're holding underwater.


There!! See? It really does work. You're smiling already !


"Beachcomber" 1995 Sea Ray 550 Sedan Bridge


Anchor's down......Bottoms Up!
#543411 - 02/21/13 04:59 PM Re: It is time for another joke thread [Re: Memory Maker]  
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 15,149
GoFirstClass Offline
Retired Boating Bum
GoFirstClass  Offline
Retired Boating Bum
Grand Poobah

Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 15,149
Pasco, WA
The Afghan Quarterback

The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.

Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan . In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away.

KABOOM!

He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.

KA-BLOOEY!

Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.

BULLS-EYE!

"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"

So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl.

The young Afghan is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.

"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"

"I don't want to talk to you, the old Muslim woman says. "You are not my son!"

"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."

"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!" The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says,

"I will never forgive you for making us move to Chicago !!!!


"Beachcomber" 1995 Sea Ray 550 Sedan Bridge


Anchor's down......Bottoms Up!
#543413 - 02/21/13 08:57 PM Re: It is time for another joke thread [Re: Memory Maker]  
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 7,209
MarkHB Offline
Dressed for dinner
MarkHB  Offline
Dressed for dinner
Admiral

Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 7,209
CA
Ammo situation is getting desperate!

This morning I lucked out and was able to buy several cases of ammo.
On the way home I stopped at the gas station and this drop dead gorgeous blond was filling up her car at the next pump.

She looked at the ammo in the back of my car and said in a very sexy voice,

"I'm a big believer in barter, big boy. Would you be interested in a trade of sex for ammo?"

I thought it over for a few seconds and responded......"Well, just what kind of ammo have you got to trade?"


24' Monterey Explorer
Honda PWC
http://www.picturetrail.com/markhb

Golf!! Waste of a good gun range.
#544156 - 03/22/13 09:30 AM Re: It is time for another joke thread [Re: Memory Maker]  
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 7,209
MarkHB Offline
Dressed for dinner
MarkHB  Offline
Dressed for dinner
Admiral

Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 7,209
CA
Hunter was 4 years old and was staying with his grandfather for a few days.

He'd been playing outside with the other kids, when he came into the house and asked , 'Grandpa, what's that called when two people sleep in the same bedroom and one is on top of the other?'

His Grandpa was a little taken aback, but he decided to tell him the truth. 'Well, Hunter, it's called sexual intercourse.'

'Oh,' Little Hunter said, 'OK,' and went back outside to play with the other kids.

A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, 'Grandpa, it isn't called sexual intercourse, it's called Bunk Beds! And Jimmy's mom wants to talk to you!!!'


24' Monterey Explorer
Honda PWC
http://www.picturetrail.com/markhb

Golf!! Waste of a good gun range.
#544163 - 03/22/13 07:06 PM Re: It is time for another joke thread [Re: Memory Maker]  
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 2,612
kdl Offline
Admiral
kdl  Offline
Admiral

Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 2,612
Central Mass
roflmao


2005 Cobalt 246 8.1 Gi
"Paradise..."

2001 Key Largo 190 CC
"After Five"
#544164 - 03/22/13 08:41 PM Re: It is time for another joke thread [Re: Memory Maker]  
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 7,209
MarkHB Offline
Dressed for dinner
MarkHB  Offline
Dressed for dinner
Admiral

Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 7,209
CA
It was the coldest winter ever. Many animals died because of the cold.

The porcupines, realizing the situation, decided to group together to keep warm. This way they covered & protected themselves; but the quills of each one wounded their closest companions.

After a while, they decided to distance themselves one from the other and they began to die, alone & frozen. So they had to make a choice: either accept the quills of their companions or disappear from the Earth.

Wisely, they decided to go back to being together. They learned to live with the little wounds caused by the close relationship with their companions in order to receive the heat that came from the others. This way they were able to survive.

The best relationship is not the one that brings together perfect people, but when each individual learns to live with the imperfections of others & can admire the other person's good qualities.

The moral of the story is:




Just learn to live with the Pricks in your life.


24' Monterey Explorer
Honda PWC
http://www.picturetrail.com/markhb

Golf!! Waste of a good gun range.
#544165 - 03/22/13 08:42 PM Re: It is time for another joke thread [Re: Memory Maker]  
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 7,209
MarkHB Offline
Dressed for dinner
MarkHB  Offline
Dressed for dinner
Admiral

Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 7,209
CA
On July 20 1969, as commander of the Apollo 11 lunar mission, Neil Armstrong was the first person to set foot on the moon. His first words after stepping on the moon, "That’s one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind", were televised to Earth and heard by millions.

But at the end of the historic walk, just before he re-entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark:
"Good luck, Mr. Gorski."

Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet cosmonaut; however, upon checking, they found that there was no one with the name of Gorski in either the Russian or American space programs. Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the "Mr. Gorski" statement meant, but he always just smiled and deflected the question. However, in 1995, while answering questions following a speech in Tampa FL, a reporter brought up the 26-year old question to Armstrong. This time he finally acknowledged the question, stating that Mr. Gorski had died and so he felt it was time to finally clear up the mystery.

He then went on to explain that Mr. and Mrs. Gorski were his neighbors back when he was a boy in Wapakoneta. He had been playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. His friend hit the ball, which landed in the neighbor’s yard by their bedroom windows, and Neil went to retrieve it.

As he bent over to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorski shouting at Mr. Gorski: "Sex! You want sex?! You’ll get sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"


24' Monterey Explorer
Honda PWC
http://www.picturetrail.com/markhb

Golf!! Waste of a good gun range.
#544166 - 03/22/13 08:45 PM Re: It is time for another joke thread [Re: Memory Maker]  
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 7,209
MarkHB Offline
Dressed for dinner
MarkHB  Offline
Dressed for dinner
Admiral

Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 7,209
CA
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team 's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

'Oh, I really liked it, ' she replied, 'especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn 't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents. '

Dumbfounded, her date asked, 'What do you mean? '

'Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback! ' I 'm like....Helloooooo? It 's only 25 cents!!!!!!!!!!


24' Monterey Explorer
Honda PWC
http://www.picturetrail.com/markhb

Golf!! Waste of a good gun range.
#544921 - 04/20/13 09:17 AM Re: It is time for another joke thread [Re: Memory Maker]  
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 3,140
Philr Offline
Admiral
Philr  Offline
Admiral

Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 3,140
Rock Island, IL
ONE FOR ALL THE OLD CODGERS (you know who you/we are)

There was a family gathering, with all generations around the table.

Mischievous teenagers put a Viagra tablet into Grandpa's drink, and after a while, Grandpa excused himself because he had to go to the bathroom .

When he returned, however, his trousers are wet all over.

"What happened, Grandpa?" asked his concerned children.

"Well," he answered, "I don't really know. I had to go to the bathroom; so, I took it out and started to pee, but then, I saw that it wasn't mine, so I put it back !"


'08 Chaparral 246SSi VP5.7GXiDP

My wife says that I spend too much time talking to random people online. What do you guys think?
#544923 - 04/20/13 10:55 AM Re: It is time for another joke thread [Re: Memory Maker]  
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 15,149
GoFirstClass Offline
Retired Boating Bum
GoFirstClass  Offline
Retired Boating Bum
Grand Poobah

Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 15,149
Pasco, WA
lol


"Beachcomber" 1995 Sea Ray 550 Sedan Bridge


Anchor's down......Bottoms Up!
#544949 - 04/21/13 09:21 AM Re: It is time for another joke thread [Re: Memory Maker]  
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 7,209
MarkHB Offline
Dressed for dinner
MarkHB  Offline
Dressed for dinner
Admiral

Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 7,209
CA
A son asked his mother the following question:

' Mom, why are wedding dresses white? ' The mother looks at her son and replies:

' Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure.'

The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father.

'Dad why are wedding dresses white? '

The father looks at his son in surprise and says:

'Son, all household appliances come in white.'

The husband is still in intensive care and the prognosis is not good!


24' Monterey Explorer
Honda PWC
http://www.picturetrail.com/markhb

Golf!! Waste of a good gun range.
#544952 - 04/21/13 10:40 AM Re: It is time for another joke thread [Re: MarkHB]  
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 738
SNUPY Offline
Admiral
SNUPY  Offline
Admiral

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 738
Northern Ca
rofl lol


George
2008 Reinell 220 LSE
Slow like a Pro... Not fast like an A$$



#544995 - 04/22/13 11:32 AM Re: It is time for another joke thread [Re: Memory Maker]  
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,974
seadog Offline
Rear Admiral
seadog  Offline
Rear Admiral
Admiral

Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,974
Stillwater, OK
China is the only nation where parents tell their kids to come into the house to get some fresh air.


03 Crestliner 2485 LSi 4.3 MPI
63 Newman 15'
01 Dakota Quad Cab 4.7L
08 Taurus
2013 Mustang

usa1
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