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#531881 - 04/25/12 11:59 AM Re: It is time for another joke thread [Re: Memory Maker]  
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Philr Offline
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Rock Island, IL
^^ That would be funny if it weren't .... oh never mind.


'08 Chaparral 246SSi VP5.7GXiDP

My wife says that I spend too much time talking to random people online. What do you guys think?
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#532293 - 05/05/12 08:23 AM Re: It is time for another joke thread [Re: Memory Maker]  
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MarkHB Offline
Dressed for dinner
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CA
Most people don't know that back in 1912 Hellman's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the "Titanic" was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after New York City.

Mexicans were crazy about the stuff.

The Mexican people were eagerly awaiting delivery and were disconsolate("desperados") at the loss. So much so that they declared a national day of mourning which they still observe today.

It is known, of course, as ...sinko de Mayo.


24' Monterey Explorer
Honda PWC
http://www.picturetrail.com/markhb

Golf!! Waste of a good gun range.
#532393 - 05/07/12 01:40 PM Re: It is time for another joke thread [Re: Memory Maker]  
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KD4PBS Offline
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

#532422 - 05/07/12 08:52 PM Re: It is time for another joke thread [Re: Memory Maker]  
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GoFirstClass Offline
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Grand Poobah

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Posts: 15,014
Pasco, WA




Two men were having coffee, when one of them said:

Last night, my son just walked into the living room and said, "Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out of the window, take my TV, stereo, iPhone, iPod and my laptop. Please give my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Goodwill. Then, sell my car. Take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house. Then disown me and never talk to me again. And don't forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to my brother."

The other man said: "Wow, he really said that?"

"Well, he didn't put it quite that way. He actually said, "Dad, I've decided to work for Obama's re-election campaign.' "


"Beachcomber" 1995 Sea Ray 550 Sedan Bridge


Anchor's down......Bottoms Up!
#538992 - 10/02/12 10:48 AM Re: It is time for another joke thread [Re: Memory Maker]  
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GoFirstClass Offline
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Grand Poobah

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Pasco, WA
One sunny day in the latter part of January, 2013, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue where He'd been sitting on a park bench.

He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, "I would Like to go in and meet with President Obama."

The Marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr. Obama is no longer President and no longer resides here."

The old man said, "Okay," and walked away. The following day the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go In and meet with President Obama."

The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Obama is no longer president and no longer resides here."

The man thanked him and again just walked away. The third day the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same U.S. Marine, saying, "I would like to go in and meet with President Obama."

The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Obama. I've told you already that Mr. Obama is no longer the President and no longer resides here. Don't you understand?"

The old man looked at the Marine and said, "Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it."

The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow, Sir.


"Beachcomber" 1995 Sea Ray 550 Sedan Bridge


Anchor's down......Bottoms Up!
#539030 - 10/03/12 09:33 AM Re: It is time for another joke thread [Re: Memory Maker]  
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Posts: 2,174
PhatboyC Offline
Always Need a Bigger Boat
PhatboyC  Offline
Always Need a Bigger Boat
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Ottawa/Ontario
Booooo. Not a fan of your latest political jokes GFC.

Originally Posted By: PhatboyC
In my teens I had a girlfriend that though the R was for reverse. She was a brunette and hasn't started driving at the time. Lets just say her physique compensated for her wits whistle


Oops I mean she though R as for Run. If I wouldn't been in the car when she first drove it it wouldn't of been pretty.


-------------------------------
25'.6" Cuddy Cabin - Sold
*Sold the boat after 9 wonderful years. Looking for a bigger one.
#539032 - 10/03/12 09:48 AM Re: It is time for another joke thread [Re: Memory Maker]  
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Philr Offline
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Philr  Offline
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Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 3,140
Rock Island, IL
Yaaaaaay, I am a fan of your latest political jokes GFC.

Maybe if you had some Canadian jokes???

Last edited by Philr; 10/03/12 10:33 AM.

'08 Chaparral 246SSi VP5.7GXiDP

My wife says that I spend too much time talking to random people online. What do you guys think?
#539034 - 10/03/12 10:38 AM Re: It is time for another joke thread [Re: GoFirstClass]  
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Posts: 8,832
Silverbullet Offline
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Boise, ID
Originally Posted By: GoFirstClass
One sunny day in the latter part of January, 2013, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue where He'd been sitting on a park bench.

He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, "I would Like to go in and meet with President Obama."

The Marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr. Obama is no longer President and no longer resides here."

The old man said, "Okay," and walked away. The following day the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go In and meet with President Obama."

The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Obama is no longer president and no longer resides here."

The man thanked him and again just walked away. The third day the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same U.S. Marine, saying, "I would like to go in and meet with President Obama."

The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Obama. I've told you already that Mr. Obama is no longer the President and no longer resides here. Don't you understand?"

The old man looked at the Marine and said, "Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it."

The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow, Sir.


AWESOME!!!!
lol lol lol


James
2002 Cobalt 226 VP 8.1GIDP
2007 Chevy 2500HD Crew Cab Duramax
1988 Suburban 3/4 Ton
2000 Subaru Forester


#539035 - 10/03/12 10:56 AM Re: It is time for another joke thread [Re: Silverbullet]  
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KCook Offline
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KCook  Offline
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Phoenix
Originally Posted By: Silverbullet
Originally Posted By: GoFirstClass
One sunny day in the latter part of January, 2013, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue where He'd been sitting on a park bench.

He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, "I would Like to go in and meet with President Obama."

The Marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr. Obama is no longer President and no longer resides here."

The old man said, "Okay," and walked away. The following day the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go In and meet with President Obama."

The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Obama is no longer president and no longer resides here."

The man thanked him and again just walked away. The third day the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same U.S. Marine, saying, "I would like to go in and meet with President Obama."

The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Obama. I've told you already that Mr. Obama is no longer the President and no longer resides here. Don't you understand?"

The old man looked at the Marine and said, "Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it."

The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow, Sir.


AWESOME!!!!
lol lol lol

Y'all looking ahead ... to 2016? pirate

#539037 - 10/03/12 12:13 PM Re: It is time for another joke thread [Re: trooplewis]  
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Frantically Relaxing Offline
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Frantically Relaxing  Offline
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roflmao LOL... glad it don't much matter to me! whistle

Originally Posted By: trooplewis
Part I of the new paperback. "Understanding Women" is finally out!


Umm... Part ONE?
ouch

(glad my woman don't need no owners manual. And that ain't no joke!)
cool

#539089 - 10/04/12 04:06 PM Re: It is time for another joke thread [Re: Memory Maker]  
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 8,832
Silverbullet Offline
Admiral
Silverbullet  Offline
Admiral

Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 8,832
Boise, ID


James
2002 Cobalt 226 VP 8.1GIDP
2007 Chevy 2500HD Crew Cab Duramax
1988 Suburban 3/4 Ton
2000 Subaru Forester


#539092 - 10/04/12 07:18 PM Re: It is time for another joke thread [Re: Memory Maker]  
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Posts: 15,014
GoFirstClass Offline
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Grand Poobah

Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 15,014
Pasco, WA
Yup, his performance last night was the biggest joke I've seen in a long time.


"Beachcomber" 1995 Sea Ray 550 Sedan Bridge


Anchor's down......Bottoms Up!
#539102 - 10/04/12 09:24 PM Re: It is time for another joke thread [Re: Memory Maker]  
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WaterWing Offline
Admiral
WaterWing  Offline
Admiral

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Chicago
No surprises from last night. Pretty much turned out like I expected.


2001 Larson SEi-230 5.7 Merc/Alpha1
2013 Ford Explorer
#539765 - 10/24/12 05:57 PM Re: It is time for another joke thread [Re: Memory Maker]  
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 190
Faster Daddy Offline
Vice Admiral
Faster Daddy  Offline
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Posts: 190
Plano, TX
A funny clean and nonpolitical one from my son...

What is green, has 4 legs, and would kill you if it fell out of a tree and landed on you??
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
A pool table!!! roflmao


Tom
2005 FW Horizon 230
2007 Toyota Tundra Crewmax
#540191 - 11/08/12 07:44 AM Re: It is time for another joke thread [Re: Memory Maker]  
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 7,193
MarkHB Offline
Dressed for dinner
MarkHB  Offline
Dressed for dinner
Admiral

Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 7,193
CA
A new supermarket opened in santa Monica. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the distant sound of thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh cut Hay.

In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks, brats and franks.

In the liquor department, the fresh, clean, crisp smell of tapped Miller Lite.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma bacon and eggs frying.

The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread & cookies.

But I donít buy toilet paper there anymore...


24' Monterey Explorer
Honda PWC
http://www.picturetrail.com/markhb

Golf!! Waste of a good gun range.
#540192 - 11/08/12 07:46 AM Re: It is time for another joke thread [Re: Memory Maker]  
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 7,193
MarkHB Offline
Dressed for dinner
MarkHB  Offline
Dressed for dinner
Admiral

Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 7,193
CA
A real woman is a man's best friend.
She will never stand him up and never let him down.
She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad
day.

She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to live
without fear and forget regret.
She will enable him to express his deepest emotions and give in to his
most intimate desires.
She will make sure he always feels as though he's the most handsome man
in the room and will enable him to be the most confident, sexy,
seductive, and invincible........



No wait... sorry... I'm thinking of beer.
That's what beer does....


24' Monterey Explorer
Honda PWC
http://www.picturetrail.com/markhb

Golf!! Waste of a good gun range.
#540408 - 11/15/12 09:11 AM Re: It is time for another joke thread [Re: Memory Maker]  
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 7,193
MarkHB Offline
Dressed for dinner
MarkHB  Offline
Dressed for dinner
Admiral

Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 7,193
CA
As I was lying in bed pondering the problems of the world, I rapidly realized that I don't really give a rat's hiney. It's the tortoise life for me!

1.. If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
2.. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, and is fat.
3.. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.
4.. A tortoise doesn't run and does nothing, yet it lives for 450 years.
And you tell me to exercise?? I don't think so.

I'm retired. Go around me.


24' Monterey Explorer
Honda PWC
http://www.picturetrail.com/markhb

Golf!! Waste of a good gun range.
#540409 - 11/15/12 09:12 AM Re: It is time for another joke thread [Re: Memory Maker]  
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 7,193
MarkHB Offline
Dressed for dinner
MarkHB  Offline
Dressed for dinner
Admiral

Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 7,193
CA
Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered:
1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and all-bran.

3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.

4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

5. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

6. If all is not lost, where is it?

7. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

8. Some days, you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.

9. I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few.

10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

12. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

13. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're
in the bathroom.

14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.

15. When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone want to
play chess?

16. Its not hard to meet expenses . . . they're everywhere.

17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . .
.I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm hereafter

19. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.


24' Monterey Explorer
Honda PWC
http://www.picturetrail.com/markhb

Golf!! Waste of a good gun range.
#540415 - 11/15/12 10:39 AM Re: It is time for another joke thread [Re: Memory Maker]  
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Posts: 3,768
Justification Offline
Admiral
Justification  Offline
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Posts: 3,768
Fruit Heights, Utah

I'm not as good as I once was.........
But I'm as good once as I ever was.


I'd rather have a bottle in front of me...
Than a frontal Lobotamy


Beer makes you feel the way
You should feel without beer.
#540426 - 11/15/12 02:31 PM Re: It is time for another joke thread [Re: Memory Maker]  
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GoFirstClass Offline
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Grand Poobah

Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 15,014
Pasco, WA
An old couple was doing their Christmas shopping at the mall when the lady discovered her husband was nowhere to be found. After searching for him for several minutes she decided to call his cell to see where he was.

When he answered, he asked him where he was and he replied "Honey, do you remember that jewelry store where we looked at a diamond necklace several years ago? You know, the necklace you fell in with?"

She got all excited and giggly and said "Well, of course I do. How could I ever forget that necklace?"

Her loving hubby then said "Well, I'm in the bar next to it and I'm staying here until you're done shopping."

She hung up on him.


"Beachcomber" 1995 Sea Ray 550 Sedan Bridge


Anchor's down......Bottoms Up!
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