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#399255 - 04/22/08 04:26 PM Dave Barry's colonoscopy (funny)  
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Philr Offline
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Philr  Offline
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Rock Island, IL
Most of you young whipper-snappers can't fully appreciate this, but it's a great read, and contains some sage advice too.

Ask me how I know.

http://www.miamiherald.com/dave_barry/story/427603.html


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#399280 - 04/22/08 05:50 PM Re: Dave Barry's colonoscopy (funny) [Re: Philr]  
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Admiral

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Cyberland
rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl

Wow! Serious as it is, that guy should win some serious award for the totally side-splitting, rolling on the floor guffaws that ensue when reading it. Brenda and I are wiping tears from our eyes.

He also makes a very very good point that is poignant for someone who recently hit the five O.

I always wondered what it would be like to ride the Space Shuttle. Looks like I will find out first hand.

Thanks so much for sharing this. thumb

And I hope you are well.


Mike

BoatingABC.com
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious problems.
#399285 - 04/22/08 06:17 PM Re: Dave Barry's colonoscopy (funny) [Re: Admin]  
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GoFirstClass Offline
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GoFirstClass  Offline
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Ummmmmmm, Admin. when you find out PLEASE do not let us know! Thanks a lot!


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Anchor's down......Bottoms Up!
#399304 - 04/22/08 07:19 PM Re: Dave Barry's colonoscopy (funny) [Re: GoFirstClass]  
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NoMoBoatN Offline
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That is funny! Thanks... and as one of the Over-50-and-haven't-had-a-colonoscopy crowd, I DO feel better about maybe getting my rear end to the Dr. Just wish I didn't have to go with it!


05 Jeep Grand Cherokee 4x4 'Limited Edition'



#399307 - 04/22/08 07:29 PM Re: Dave Barry's colonoscopy (funny) [Re: NoMoBoatN]  
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That English Guy Offline
One day I'll be King!
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One day I'll be King!
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Rochester, MN
A friend of mine needed a Colonoscopy and the specialist a Mayo Hospital asked him if he wanted to take part in a trial where they weren't using an endoscope but instead would give him a full body M.R.I. He jumped at the chance.


Legal Alien livin' the American dream baby!

2005 Larson Senza 186, 5.0 V8
#399317 - 04/22/08 07:57 PM Re: Dave Barry's colonoscopy (funny) [Re: That English Guy]  
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wasjr Offline
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wasjr  Offline
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TN, Boat on Center Hill Lake
If you have not had a colonoscopy, you really should get one and they are no big deal. No discomfort at all. I have had three starting at age 45 as my father had colon cancer. The "cleanser" I used was not the same as Dave's. I just took some pills, and then a liquid that I added Crystal Light to, and it was not bad.

I also have pictures. If I can find them I will post....no on second thought I better not. One year my wife and I both had a colonoscopy and I suggested we send out the pictures as the family Christmas picture. I was overruled.


2000 Hurricane Sundeck 217
2017 Acura MDX
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#399321 - 04/22/08 08:08 PM Re: Dave Barry's colonoscopy (funny) [Re: wasjr]  
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MarkHB Offline
Dressed for dinner
MarkHB  Offline
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CA
I am not looking forward to getting one, but I will now that I have hit the big 50 this month.......
so it amazes me when someone keeps going back to get something shoved up their rear a for a second and third opinion. crazy
just messing with you

Mark


24' Monterey Explorer
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Golf!! Waste of a good gun range.
#399333 - 04/22/08 08:34 PM Re: Dave Barry's colonoscopy (funny) [Re: MarkHB]  
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WaterWing Offline
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WaterWing  Offline
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I'm 51 and got one a few years ago. It was totally painless during the scoping. As a matter of fact, I was out. The hard part is the prep the night before. You're not going anywhere but sitting on the thrown.

Mine discovered a problem that resulted in major surgery (5 days in the hospital). Had I not had it fixed, it could have killed me. No residual problem for me now.


2001 Larson SEi-230 5.7 Merc/Alpha1
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#399354 - 04/22/08 09:40 PM Re: Dave Barry's colonoscopy (funny) [Re: WaterWing]  
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Lou C Offline
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Lou C  Offline
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The procedure ain't nuthin, before you know it you are out cold and the next thing you know they are telling you that it's time to go home. The prep, well if you ever had a day of diarrhea, about the same. Worst thing is you can't have any caffeine because all you can have is clear liquids. In fact the yearly prostate exam (that you all should be having as well) is a lot worse than this!


88 Four Winns 200 Horizon 4.3 OMC
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#399361 - 04/22/08 09:57 PM Re: Dave Barry's colonoscopy (funny) [Re: Lou C]  
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trooplewis Offline
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trooplewis  Offline
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San Diego
I had one done a couple years ago, and they removed a 1/4 inch polyp that could have turned dangerous. No discomfort, no pain, no megasauras the next day.

I did find it interesting that when I asked the nurse what she was putting in the IV, she said, one to make you drowsy (but awake enough to take commands from us) and one to make you forget everything that happens in the next hour.

I thought that was kinda funny, but I don't remember a thing! She said that is so you come back in 5 years and do it again...

Oh yeah, I do remember being ravenously hungry, and stopping at the first buffet I could find as soon as I left the recovery room.

#399363 - 04/22/08 10:11 PM Re: Dave Barry's colonoscopy (funny) [Re: WaterWing]  
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Finger Lakes Boater Offline
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Katie Couric had hers videotaped and aired on network TV. smile


I hope we shall crush in its birth the aristocracy of moneyed corporations which dare to challenge our government in a trial of strength, defy the laws of our country. Thomas Jefferson "Corporations have been enthroned and an era of corruption in high places will follow, and the money power of the country will seek to prolong its reign by working upon the prejudices of the people until the wealth is aggregated in the hands of a few, and the Republic is destroyed." Abraham Lincoln
#399376 - 04/22/08 11:14 PM Re: Dave Barry's colonoscopy (funny) [Re: That English Guy]  
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Parrott_head Offline
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Originally Posted By: That English Guy
A friend of mine needed a Colonoscopy and the specialist a Mayo Hospital asked him if he wanted to take part in a trial where they weren't using an endoscope but instead would give him a full body M.R.I. He jumped at the chance.


How do they get the MRI machine up inside the colon? idn

Good stuff by Dave, maybe when the time comes I'll do the Vodka routine and play Elton John's "Rocket Man" while I pass the time.


Former owner of a 2002 Four Winns 234 FunShip
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#399378 - 04/22/08 11:28 PM Re: Dave Barry's colonoscopy (funny) [Re: trooplewis]  
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MarkHB Offline
Dressed for dinner
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CA
Quote:
and one to make you forget everything that happens in the next hour.


Are you sure you were only scoped? rofl

Mark


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#399381 - 04/22/08 11:51 PM Re: Dave Barry's colonoscopy (funny) [Re: MarkHB]  
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230 Mike Offline
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That's hilarious!

I had my first one at 41. I'll have my 3rd next year. Multiple polyps were found & removed both times, so I'll be on the 3 year plan until they're clear - by which time I'll be 50 and on the 5 year plan forever.

A couple of distant relatives have died of colon cancer. My polyps wouldn't have been found any other way. There just isn't any substitute (MRI or otherwise) for going inside and looking around. While not a risk-free or convenient thing to have done, I think it's something every single person ought to do, and before 50.




Mike
2005 Four Winns 230/240
VP 5.7GXi/DP
'98 F150 XLT
Boat Pic
#399422 - 04/23/08 07:52 AM Re: Dave Barry's colonoscopy (funny) [Re: 230 Mike]  
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Jeffski Offline
Wingman
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Wingman
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Michigan
Ugh. Not looking forward to that day which I plan to delay for at least another decade or so.


2009 Four Winns SL 242
Searching for that "One Particular Harbor."
#399430 - 04/23/08 08:10 AM Re: Dave Barry's colonoscopy (funny) [Re: 230 Mike]  
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Indyboater Offline
Admiral
Indyboater  Offline
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Indianapolis
I had one last year when I had some severe abdominal pain.

Just like everyone has said, the actual procedure was a non-event. I slept through the entire thing, and had no pain or side effects whatsoever - just some drowsiness for an hour or so afterwards. All was clear, but they eventually found out my pain was my Gall Bladder, which came out.

The prep was just about as Dave Barry describes. I used some stuff called Fleet Phospho soda. Which comes in little innocent-looking 1 1/2 ounce bottles which you mix with your favorite drink. However, as soon as you mix this stuff with anything, it tastes awful. I spent that night in the bathroom sleeping next to the commode, in fear of not making it there in time for the next round of my experience. At one point, I believe I was ejecting phospho soda from both ends of the pipe at the same time - which was a new, and not particularly pleasant experience for me, and necessitated having a bucket on hand in the bathroom.

#399433 - 04/23/08 08:20 AM Re: Dave Barry's colonoscopy (funny) [Re: Parrott_head]  
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That English Guy Offline
One day I'll be King!
That English Guy  Offline
One day I'll be King!
Admiral

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Rochester, MN
Originally Posted By: Parrott_head
Originally Posted By: That English Guy
A friend of mine needed a Colonoscopy and the specialist a Mayo Hospital asked him if he wanted to take part in a trial where they weren't using an endoscope but instead would give him a full body M.R.I. He jumped at the chance.


How do they get the MRI machine up inside the colon? idn


Lots of lube and they took good run at it. grin


Legal Alien livin' the American dream baby!

2005 Larson Senza 186, 5.0 V8
#399464 - 04/23/08 09:47 AM Re: Dave Barry's colonoscopy (funny) [Re: That English Guy]  
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Bowline Offline
Boatless in LV
Bowline  Offline
Boatless in LV
Admiral

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Las Vegas, NV
Quote:
Are you sure you were only scoped?


ELAINE: "....Maybe you were still under the gas.Maybe you were hallucinating you're coming out of the gas but you were still under the gas."

JERRY: "I don't think so. I think they were getting dressed and not only that; my shirt was out!!!"

ELAINE: "your shirt was out?"

JERRY: "I think so."

ELAINE: "Well, what kind of shirt was it.?"

JERRY: "You know! Like a tennis shirt."

ELAINE: "Oh! Well ... You don't tuck those in?"

JERRY: "Sometimes I tuck'em sometimes I don't"

ELAINE: "Well. Were you tucked?"

JERRY: "I think I was tucked.!"

ELAINE: "All right then say you were. I mean .. what do you think could have happened.?"

JERRY: "I don't know but I was spitting out and rinsing like there was no tomorrow."

ELAINE: "Ughhhh"

JERRY: "Is this guy a dentist or Caligula?"

ELAINE: "What are you gettin'?"

JERRY: "I don't think I'm hungry:"

ELAINE: "Okay...So you were violated by two people while you were under the gas. So What? You're single."

JERRY: " But I'm damaged goods now."

ELAINE: "Join the club."

KRAMER: " Ah! here here Listen...Dear Penthouse, I want to tell you about an experience I recently had. As an avid reader I've always wondered if the letters (with Jerry) are I'm a dentist and one afternoon my hygienist and I decided to have a little fun with one of our patients. Of course none of our patients had any idea exactly of what we were up to. I was still wondering what if ......... (Jerry stops and seems bewildered)

grin


2001 Cobalt 206, 280hp V/P DP - SOLD
2003 Toyota 4-Runner Ltd
#399529 - 04/23/08 12:19 PM Re: Dave Barry's colonoscopy (funny) [Re: Bowline]  
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Faster Daddy Offline
Vice Admiral
Faster Daddy  Offline
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Plano, TX
For those of you thinking of a "virtual colonoscopy". Keep in mind as many above have said the prep is the worst part. Lying on the scanner table is just as easy as lying on the endoscopy table. However, if the virtual study reveals any abnormalities, then you will need the traditional study for polyp removal or biopsy. This means another whole prep, as the imaging centers don't just have a gastroenterologist standing by to scope the positive scans.
I haven't had the privilge of receiving a colonoscopy yet, but there are great sedations drugs out there, and a prep is a prep.


Tom
2005 FW Horizon 230
2007 Toyota Tundra Crewmax
#399742 - 04/23/08 11:19 PM Re: Dave Barry's colonoscopy (funny) [Re: Faster Daddy]  
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Parrott_head Offline
Admiral of Vice
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Admiral

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BOHICA!!!!!


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